So it's likely to come up at some point: why am I angry? There is so much crap going on in the world right now. Everywhere I look there are so many layers of injustice - greed, spite, hatred. I struggle to understand how we have all gotten ourselves into this mess - the world's resources are being depleted by greater and greater sums every day and the part I struggle with so much is how deeply emeshed and involved each and every one of us is in that process. How can I make a statement like that? I hear so many people complaining about the state of things. Some of these people take steps in whatever way they can to better things, others simply go on on complaining. I am both of these kinds of people - I beat myself up every day for how much I contribute to the cyclic downfall of our planet. I try to do better with this but I beat myself up even for that - for how I fail to do my own part. What's the lesson in this?
There is so much damage we all do-in one day the consumer probably contributes to the suffering of hundreds if not thousands of people (where do the clothes we wear and the food we eat come from exactly?)-- but the root of that damage begins inside of ourselves in that very instant we decide we are unlovable, we are worthless, we will never add up.
We all have these feelings at one point or another - everyone has a bad day, but how many of us carry these thoughts into the daily routine of our lives? The small moments we have with ourselves where we say throughout the day: I could have done that so much better. I really f*%ked that one up huh? This is not about big things all the time - it is what we say to ourselves over and over again when we miss the bus, when we spill coffee, when we stay up late and are tired the next morning.
It is so hard for me to stop beating the crap out of myself for not ending world hunger but how is one person meant to do that on their own if they are in a mindset in which they constantly starve themselves of joy? We begin to move into a space that is slightly more lovable (today I will be gentler with myself, I will treat myself to something that makes me smile) and then we say - how dare I enjoy myself - how is it right for me to receive joy when so many others suffer? We often miss the correlation between the fact that there is no way to help others if we continue to propogate our own suffering.
Now some might see that as an excuse to splurge: oh, "the me first principle" they might say and then go off and buy four hundred dollar shoes. But this is confusing the notions of self-love and selfishness - they are two different things and an act in and of itself can come from either place. Two people may do the exact same thing: person A goes out and buys themselves a pair of shoes with cash they had thought of donating to a cause. Person B does the same. Is the thought in that instant about giving themselves permission to care for themselves or is about resentment because of the fact that people expect them to put the money somewhere else?
What is most important is to ask ourselves where we are at any given moment - where am I right now? what am I longing for? what am I saying to myself? what is the impetus behind the action I am taking?
There is so much damage we all do-in one day the consumer probably contributes to the suffering of hundreds if not thousands of people (where do the clothes we wear and the food we eat come from exactly?)-- but the root of that damage begins inside of ourselves in that very instant we decide we are unlovable, we are worthless, we will never add up.
We all have these feelings at one point or another - everyone has a bad day, but how many of us carry these thoughts into the daily routine of our lives? The small moments we have with ourselves where we say throughout the day: I could have done that so much better. I really f*%ked that one up huh? This is not about big things all the time - it is what we say to ourselves over and over again when we miss the bus, when we spill coffee, when we stay up late and are tired the next morning.
It is so hard for me to stop beating the crap out of myself for not ending world hunger but how is one person meant to do that on their own if they are in a mindset in which they constantly starve themselves of joy? We begin to move into a space that is slightly more lovable (today I will be gentler with myself, I will treat myself to something that makes me smile) and then we say - how dare I enjoy myself - how is it right for me to receive joy when so many others suffer? We often miss the correlation between the fact that there is no way to help others if we continue to propogate our own suffering.
Now some might see that as an excuse to splurge: oh, "the me first principle" they might say and then go off and buy four hundred dollar shoes. But this is confusing the notions of self-love and selfishness - they are two different things and an act in and of itself can come from either place. Two people may do the exact same thing: person A goes out and buys themselves a pair of shoes with cash they had thought of donating to a cause. Person B does the same. Is the thought in that instant about giving themselves permission to care for themselves or is about resentment because of the fact that people expect them to put the money somewhere else?
What is most important is to ask ourselves where we are at any given moment - where am I right now? what am I longing for? what am I saying to myself? what is the impetus behind the action I am taking?
